Those Advice from A Parent Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality rapidly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk amongst men, who still internalise damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to take a break - taking a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."