Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

TV's top entertainers devoted the airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Pointed Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that allows foreign citizens to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for $5 million. The program's page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"One note for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, requiring significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best vetting the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval numbers during financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.